Wagging Their Tales In Shame
by Jadyn
Summary: Age-old stories and wrestling superstars; can and will they mix?
1. Peter Pan

Wagging Their Tales In Shame  
  
Peter Pan with Billy and Chuck  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone but Jadyn, and she was committed recently for delusions of grandeur.  
  
~~~  
  
-Our scene opens with JADYN sitting in a giant plush chair, turning the pages of a large book. She is wearing a strapless leather dress, red with purple overtones. She looks up and smiles at us. She is our NARRATOR-  
  
JADYN: Hello, and welcome to my new show, "Wagging Their Tales In Shame". Like the title? I thought it up myself. On this show, we're going to take a look back at some of those stories you loved as kid, the ones that Disney made all sappy and yucky. But the catch, you ask? *I've* gotten ahold of both the stories and some of your favorite WWF superstars, and have decided to incorporate the two, then turn it into a television show for your entertainment. Get the drift? Now for the superstars…  
  
-There is a loud *poof* and Tag-Team Champions BILLY and CHUCK appear in a heap on the floor. They appear to have fallen through the ceiling. BILLY stands up and collects himself first. He also has an emotional outburst first-  
  
BILLY: Where are we?! Why are we here? Oh, Chucky, hold me close!  
  
-CHUCK (or 'Chucky') gladly obliges. JADYN wrinkles her nose in distaste, but proceeds to explain their sudden change in location-  
  
JADYN: You're in my study. You two are here to help me act out a tale for my television show.  
  
CHUCK: Are we on TV right now? What's the show called, so I can watch it?  
  
JADYN: Yes, you are on television, and it's called "Wagging Their Tales In Shame". Now shut up! You two are going to act out the story of Peter Pan all by yourselves. You, Billy, are going to be the boy in green himself, Mr. Pan. And Chuck, you can be Tinkerbell.  
  
-JADYN snaps her fingers and suddenly the extremely effeminate pair are wearing costumes. BILLY is wearing all green, from the small hat perched at a jaunty angle on his bleach-blond head, to the soft-soled shoes on his feet, which curl upwards at the toes. CHUCK, however, isn't nearly as lucky. He is wearing a pink tutu, with pink tights and ballet slippers. A diamond tiara sits upon his head, and there is a sack of 'fairy dust' with a wand tucked inside it hanging from his waist-  
  
CHUCK: This isn't fair! Why do I have to be Tinkerbell?  
  
JADYN: Because Billy makes a better Peter Pan than you do. Just look at him!  
  
-She gestures towards BILLY, who is inspecting the tight crotch of his green tights. CHUCK immediately breaks into a giant grin and goes to feel the suede frock his special friend is wearing. They both seem content for a moment, but BILLY suddenly looks up with an expression of confusion-  
  
BILLY: Wait a minute. If we're gonna play Peter Pan and Tinkerbell, who is going to be all the other characters?  
  
JADYN: I'm so glad you asked that. For just that purpose, I brought in… Rico!  
  
-With another *poof*, RICO falls to the floor, but not before managing to smack his head on the edge of a table. BILLY and CHUCK rush to pick him up-  
  
JADYN: Now, what to dress him in…?  
  
-Another snap and RICO has on at least twenty layers of clothing, the top one being a dog costume. In his surprise, CHUCK drops RICO and looks at JADYN-  
  
CHUCK: Who the hell is he supposed to be?  
  
JADYN: Why, Nana, of course. Wendy's faithful maid and watchdog. His Wendy costume is under that one. Rico gets to be every character you two aren't.  
  
BILLY: Is this supposed to fun or something?  
  
JADYN: Not for you! Now, on to the story!  
  
~~~  
  
Peter Pan with BILLY AND CHUCK!  
  
  
  
NARRATOR: Peter Pan was a magical little boy. He could fly! With help from his little friend Tinkerbell, of course!  
  
-BILLY comes soaring in on wires, with a smile so wide it could split his face. CHUCK also is flying on wires, but looks extremely dismal about it-  
  
BILLY: Whee! I'm flying!  
  
CHUCK: This is so degrading.  
  
JADYN: Hey! You're supposed to be in character!  
  
CHUCK: Oh, screw you.  
  
NARRATOR: One day, Peter got a little horny, so he flew into window of a good little girl named Wendy. But before Peter could rape this poor, innocent child, Wendy's doggy, Nana, attacked! And that is how Peter lost his dick!  
  
BILLY: Wait! That's not how the story goes!  
  
JADYN: It is in my world. But you have to act it out. Rico, attack!  
  
-BILLY is thrown through a 'window', which is actually an opening in the set. He crashes into a brick wall, and then is flown on his wires to another part of the set. There we see RICO lying on a bed, looking like a little girl. But all of a sudden, RICO looks like a dog and attacks BILLY. RICO proceeds to bite poor BILLY'S sexual organs off…-  
  
JADYN: Hey, Rico! I said bite them off, not suck them!  
  
-RICO obeys. BILLY screams in pain as CHUCK walks over and looks down at him-  
  
CHUCK: Maybe sometimes it *is* better to be the guy in pink.  
  
-CHUCK removes some fairy dust form his pouch and sprinkles it over the aching BILLY, then walks over to JADYN-  
  
CHUCK: Thank you. I always want to be Tinkerbell now.  
  
JADYN: And that's our moral for today. Tune in next time for more "Wagging Their Tales In Shame". Bye!  
  
CHUCK: Bye!  
  
-We leave the two remaining cast members discussing where JADYN got her dress. BILLY is still screaming in the distance and RICO has run off with BILLY'S dick. That's all. Join us next time!- 


	2. The Little Mermaid

Wagging Their Tales In Shame  
  
The Little Mermaid with Matt, Jeff and Lita  
  
Disclaimer: I only own Jadyn. And in this particular chapter, that REALLY upsets me.  
  
~~~  
  
-We once again open with JADYN in her plush chair. She looks ecstatic-  
  
JADYN: Hi. What do you say we skip all the formalities and bring in the stars?  
  
-With a *poof*, MATT and JEFF HARDY and LITA find themselves lying in various places on the floor. MATT has no shirt on, LITA'S baggy pants are unbuttoned and JEFF has lipstick all over his face-  
  
LITA: What the hell? Where are we?  
  
JADYN: In my study.  
  
-JADYN runs over to MATT and JEFF. JEFF seems thrilled about this. MATT looks annoyed-  
  
MATT: Why are we here?  
  
JADYN: Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. You're going to act out a story that I narrate.  
  
JEFF: Awesome. That sounds fun!  
  
LITA: Uh-uh. We don't have to do that.  
  
JADYN: Oh yes, you do. It's a clause in your contracts. Page thirty-six, paragraph two, clause b.  
  
-MATT and LITA pull their contracts out of their pockets and begin looking. JADYN continues stroking JEFF'S hair-  
  
MATT: Damn. She's right.  
  
JADYN: Of course I'm right. I'm very good friends with a one, Vinnie Mac. Now why don't we start?  
  
JEFF: Okay!  
  
JADYN: Today we're doing the story of the Little Mermaid. For parts, Lita, you will be Ariel, the little mermaid. Jeff, you can be Eric, her handsome prince. And Matt, since you were mean and didn't let me pet your hair, you not only get to be the evil Ursula, who was part octopus, but you also get to be Sebastian, the talking and singing lobster, and Flounder, that ugly and annoying bastard fish.  
  
MATT: This is so not fair.  
  
JADYN: Who said it was supposed to be? Let's get on with the story, shall we?  
  
~~~  
  
THE LITTLE MERMAID with MATT, JEFF and LITA  
  
  
  
-The set opens up with a large rock in front of an 'ocean', which, in reality, is just a canvas backdrop. LITA is sitting on this rock, wearing a pair of zip-up fins and a purple bra, size 32 B. JEFF is standing off to the side wearing a pair of gray knickerbockers and a poufy white shirt. MATT is sitting below the rock, wearing lobster hand-claws, fake yellow and blue fins, and an octopus suit. He is pouting-  
  
NARRATOR: Once there was this half-human/half-fish hybrid girl named Ariel. She was ridiculously ugly and she couldn't sing worth beans, yet she kept showing her face and singing. One day a really hot, rich guy named Eric crashed his yacht because he was kind of clumsy. Ariel rescued him and fell in love with him.  
  
-JEFF enters on a fake boat, and then does a Swanton Bomb off of it. The boat bursts into flames. LITA sighs and picks JEFF up by his turquoise hair. She then makes fake lovey-dovey eyes at him-  
  
NARRATOR: Even though Ariel was in love with Eric, he couldn't live underwater like she could. So Ariel's two friends, a Jamaican lobster and a bastard fish sang a song.  
  
MATT: #Oh, Ariel, he's a human! A human! And not Cuban! So take him back to land or he'll DIE DIE DIE!#  
  
NARRATOR: While the song didn't exactly rhyme, Ariel got the message and brought the sexy lad back to land. She left him on the sand and swam back down to the bottom of the ocean. There she met with the evil Ursula to spy on Eric, which everyone knows is destructive to a relationship…  
  
LITA: Oh, Ursula, show me Eric.  
  
MATT: Only is you give me something.  
  
LITA: What do you want?  
  
MATT: Your HOT SEX, BABY!  
  
-MATT grabs LITA and they begin to strip each other of clothing. JADYN shrugs-  
  
JADYN: As that's all the time we have for today, I guess that's the moral for the tale of The Little Mermaid. Only engage in lesbian sex if you want something that you can't get on your own. Come here, Jeffy.  
  
-JEFF comes and sits at JADYN'S feet. She begins stroking his hair again and the two wave goodbye. MATT and LITA are engaged in acts that can't be shown on your screen, but off to the side we can see LITA'S bra and hear moans of ecstasy. And… oh my god, is that BILLY'S cock?! Uh, join us next time?- 


	3. Cinderella

Wagging Their Tales In Shame  
  
Cinderella with TAJIRI, TORRIE WILSON and LINDA McMAHON  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but Jadyn and her Tajiri doll. *cuddles it*  
  
~~~  
  
-We open with JADYN in her chair, paging through her book of stories. She looks perplexed-  
  
JADYN: Well, my darlings, I have decided what story I want to do, but I don't know who to have do it. So I'm gonna spin the WHEEL OF INDECISION!  
  
-JADYN spins a large, multicolored wheel that has magically appeared. It lands on TAJIRI, TORRIE WILSON and LINDA McMAHON-  
  
JADYN: Ooh! Yay! These are the perfect people for today's story!  
  
-With the customary *poof*, TAJIRI, TORRIE WILSON and LINDA McMAHON appear in various places around the room-  
  
TAJIRI: Amamrigiloogilo! (Well, that's what it sounded like to Jadyn!)  
  
JADYN: Oh, sorry, Buzzsaw. I don't speak Chinese.  
  
TORRIE WILSON: He's Japanese. And why are we here?  
  
JADYN: Haven't you been paying attention for the last two chapters? You three get to act out my story. And today's fable is Cinderella.  
  
LINDA McMAHON: Ooh! Ooh! I wanna be Cinderella!  
  
JADYN: No! You get to be evil step-mommy! And Torrie will be the Prince, and Tajiri will be Cinderella.  
  
TORRIE WILSON: Okay, uh, that's messed up.  
  
JADYN: I know you are, but what am I? Now we have to start.  
  
~~~  
  
CINDERELLA with TAJIRI, TORRIE WILSON and LINDA McMAHON  
  
  
  
-The curtains open with TAJIRI standing center stage, "sweeping" and wearing a tattered dress. He is mumbling Japanese swears. LINDA McMAHON is standing off to the side, wearing a giant, neon orange ball gown. And TORRIE WILSON is sitting in a chair she had brought to the side of the stage. She is wearing a white tuxedo that is at least five sizes too big-  
  
NARRATOR: There once was a chick named Cinderella. She was all dirty and kinda obsessive with cleaning, but she was supposedly very pretty. One day, the local prince threw a ball… well, actually it was his mother, if you believe in that Rodgers & Hammerstein shit… but I digress. Anyway, the prince threw a ball to look for his future queen.  
  
TORRIE WILSON: Hey, I'm throwing a ball! You bitches better show up!  
  
NARRATOR: So Cinderella begged and pleaded with the evil stepmother to let her go to the damn party. But that ho said no, only if Cinderella could finish all her chores in time. So Cinderella worked very hard to finish all her chores.  
  
TAJIRI: (says something in Japanese)  
  
LINDA McMAHON: No, damn it! You can't go! Not unless you clean my damn house!  
  
TAJIRI: (mutters in Japanese)  
  
NARRATOR: Cinderella finished and junk and went to the damn party. She married the prince and killed her stepmother with butter knife to the scrotum a year later. The end.  
  
JADYN: Hmm… that one was less interesting than my other experiments. Get the fuck out of my study!  
  
-JADYN shoves her guests, still in costume, out the door. Come back next time. If it's just as boring, you get free drinks!- 


End file.
